Old El Paso Meal for 2 Shredded Beef Burritos

Distributed By:  General Mills Sales
Required to Prepare:  Microwave
490 calories per burrito


I apologize for not having taken my own photos for this one; I wasn't intending to review this one until after I experienced the quality of this product.

The first bit of wrongness comes from the preparation instructions:  Despite being billed as a "Meal for 2", the only instructions provided are for microwave cooking, which specifically state not to cook both burritos at the same time--so, do they plan for my wife to start eating while mine is heating up, or do they think one of us just gets a cold one?

At any rate, we cook them one at a time, for five minutes each, in their silly little individual steamer bags.  (The cooking instructions say 4-6 minutes depending on microwave wattage; mine isn't low or high, so 5 it is.)  They also stand for two minutes to "complete cooking", which is apparently slang for "turn into concrete".  You know, I expected a soggy tortilla, and I wouldn't have complained about that.  Dried out, leathery, impenetrable tortilla?  Not as acceptable.  Forget cutting with a fork; they couldn't even be cut with a table knife.

For the record, the flour tortilla seemed to have been of the whole-wheat variety; unlike the package picture, they were moderately dark in color and the little bits that were edible had a whole-wheat flavor.  After using kitchen shears to finally get at it, the filling inside seemed overly spicy and really didn't seem worth the effort needed to free it from its protective shell.

To summarize, these were utterly abysmal.  Not only have they warned me away from ever trying any more of Old El Paso's frozen offerings, they've actually made me wary of their traditional products as well.  I don't know who decided these were ready to market, but they deserve to have to eat this. :b

Fuwaritoshita Tenpura Soba

Made By:  Yamamoto Seifun
Required to Prepare:  Boiling water (~12 oz.)
430 calories per package

Has it really been three months since I did a noodle review?  Time flies when you're having....  Well, without delving into things that the average ramen connoisseur wouldn't be interested in, it's been a crazy year.

Be that as it may, today I am having this Japanese noodle bowl for lunch, and so I decided to take pictures and write about it, just like old times!  The only english writing anywhere on the package is on the importer's sticker on the bottom, which identifies the manufacturer as Yamamoto Seifun, and the product as Fuwaritoshita Tenpura Soba, which means it is the same noodle dish as the Midori no Tanuki Tensoba that I really liked.

The primary difference between this product and the Maruchan one, in fact, seems to be the gimmicky-feeling addition of some whole shrimp embedded in the tempura disk; otherwise, the package contains just the standard block of soba noodles and packet of dry soup base.  Preparation is the same as practically any other bowl noodle:  Add boiling water to the line, wait three minutes, and stir and serve!

While the broth does have the requisite dashi-shoyu flavor going on, it seems bland to me; it doesn't seem to have quite the same savory depth of flavor that I am used to from other Japanese-style noodle products like the ones from Nong Shim or Maruchan.  Likewise, the noodles have the breadlike mouthfeel I was expecting from my experience with other instant soba, but the deep nutty flavor isn't as prevalent.  Even the tempura seems to lack the same richness as in the Midori no Tanuki tensoba.

And then we get to the negative part:  the little shrimp I mentioned earlier.  When I said they were whole dried shrimp, I meant it--there are actually tiny unpeeled shrimp, i.e. complete with tiny shrimp legs and tiny shrimp shells, imbedded in the tempura disk.  As you contemplate whether this seems like a good idea, think back to the last time you were eating a shrimp dish and ended up trying to bite into one of the tails by mistake.  Then, imagine that someone hid a bunch of chopped-up shrimp tails in your bowl of noodles as a practical joke, because that's exactly the experience of trying to eat this soup.  After the first one, I thought I was being vigilant in picking the stupid things out, but I still managed to end up spitting out shrimp shells several more times before I finished the bowl.  For me, it completely ruined the experience, and  turned what would have been a perfectly mediocre bowl of noodles into something that was actually pretty disgusting.
I have to be honest, I simply don't get it.  :b

El Monterey All Natural Shredded Steak & Cheese Burrito

Made By:  Ruiz Foods [USA]
Required to Prepare:  Microwave (or Oven)
280 calories per package

And now for something really different!  After this, we'll get back to ramen for a while, I promise.  (A trip to Uwajimaya is overdue and is in the near future.)  I'm going to admit up front that this isn't the type of thing I normally choose for myself, and that it made it into my freezer, and into the review queue, for one reason only--there was a coupon in the Sunday paper to try one free.  It should go without saying that this was a price the Ramen Butterfly was incapable of passing up.  So for today's lunch, a frozen burrito it is!

Preparation is so simple, I hate to even call it that.  You open one end of the package, and then microwave it for 75 seconds if it was frozen, or for 30 seconds if it was thawed.  (You can also take it out of the package, wrap it in foil, put it on a baking sheet, and put it in the oven for 30 to 45 minutes, if you're so inclined.)  I chose to let it stand in the microwave afterwards for a minute or two just to make sure all the cold spots would be gone, and then I take it out of the wrapper.

Okay, I'll start with the outside and work my way in.  The tortilla has a really odd texture... I worried it might turn out soggy and wet from microwaving in the wrapper, but it's not, really; instead it seems doughy, as if the tortilla itself were undercooked somehow.

And unfortunately, the tortilla is the high point, compared to the fillings.  I had a hard time figuring out what I was actually eating, because there was such a disconnect between the flavor and the texture.  As you observe the picture of the inside of my burrito, keep in mind that refried beans are not on the ingredient list.  This must mean that the brown paste you see must be, in fact, the "shredded steak."  Once I realized this, the flavor I was tasting--bland beef and mild cheese--started to make sense.  And there was, in fact, an occasional 'string' here and there to hint that I might be eating a meat product.  But it's certainly a far cry from the picture on the wrapper.

Well, it was free, anyway, so I suppose I got my money's worth.  But for the normal price of $1.29?  Not so much.
I do suppose it's possible it would have tasted a little better if I had thawed it first, or used the oven directions.  And, I'm certain it would have tasted a lot better if I had gone to Taco Bell and got a Burrito Supreme for roughly the same price.  :b

Little Cook TVP Curry Chicken

Made By:  Namchow (Thailand) Ltd.
Required to Prepare:  Boiling Water
500 calories per package

It's been quite a while since I've been making regular updates here, but I did have a good reason for it--I've been busy trying to get my new candle business off the ground!  The website is far from done, but at least things are started up now.  Yesterday I finally made another run to Uwajimaya, so there are new noodles to review!  So, for a light dinner tonight, I decided to have this Curry Chicken flavored big-bowl noodle from Little Cook.  I thoroughly enjoyed the previous Little Cook product I tried, so I'm hoping this one will hit the spot as well.

Inside the bowl is the block of wide noodles, a small packet of seasoning powder, and the foil retort pouch that contains our curry sauce and meat.  We open the powdered seasoning and add it to the bowl, fill to the line with boiling water, close the lid, and place the retort pouch on top to warm up.  Three minutes later, we remove the lid, add the contents of the pouch to the soup, and stir it up.  While adding the pouch, I find myself slightly taken aback by how much the contents resemble the canned "Kibbles & Bits" food that we get as a treat for our German Shepherd... but it does seem to have a decent curry aroma, so I try to stay optimistic.

Once the soup is all stirred up, I note that the meat bits bear absolutely no resemblence to chicken whatsoever; they also have an unpleasant and unnatural spongy texture.  It is at this point, far too late, that I realize that the "TVP" on the package must stand for "Textured Vegetable Protein."  Beyond the distastefulness of the "meat," the broth is much more bland than I expected.  I am not sure how this happened, because something with 2,080 mg of sodium in it really shouldn't taste like it needs salt.  The noodles have a decent texture, but don't even manage to pick up the small amount of flavor that is present in the broth.  As a final insult, toward the bottom of the bowl I encounter a lot of gritty stuff that basically makes the last bit of the soup totally inedible.  If there is a high point, I guess it would be the little bits of potato that were included in the retort pouch, I kind of enjoyed the bites that included those... but if potato is what I was after, I probably should have just eaten a french fry.  :b

Marie Callender's Home-Style Creations Classic Stroganoff

Made By:  ConAgra Foods Inc.
Tools Required:  Microwave, eating utensil(s) of choice
Light Meal size (310 calories per package)
Rating:  :b

(available online through Amazon.com)

I do realize that this is a little far afield from the products I usually review.  However, it is a shelf-stable convenience lunch, and I did eat it with chopsticks.  (Yes, I also realize I am in the tiny minority of people who would eat it that way.)  I actually don't know why I bought this, it doesn't seem like I got an especially good deal... maybe I was just looking for some variety.  In any case, this is lunch today, so Marie's stroganoff is going to get compared to instant ramen.  Hope she's ready!

We open up the package and find a tray of shelf-stable sauce and a helping of fairly plain-looking egg noodles.  We are supposed to fill the bowl to the fill line with water, and tear the label off of the lid to reveal some strainer holes and put it back on.  Then the noodles get microwaved for five minutes, and while we turn the bowl upside down over the sink to drain the noodles, we heat the sauce separately for 30 seconds.  (The instructions say to vent the corner of the film, which ended up requiring a knife to get done.)  Peel the film off the rest of the way, stir the sauce into the noodles, and it is ready to serve!

The aroma is fairly straightforward mushroom soup, except that I am smelling an odd plastic undertone for some reason.  It makes me want to not Google "plastic leaching into food."  Fortunately the food itself doesn't taste like plastic, but it really isn't that amazing either.  The noodles are similar quality to the really cheap store-brand egg noodles you find on the bottom shelf of the pasta aisle.  I greatly preferred the egg noodles in the Nissin Bowl Noodles I had, both in texture and in flavor. The sauce is basically a thick, oddly-tangy version of condensed mushroom soup; the bits of real beef and mushroom were nice, but overall it was just not that great.  When I add the fact that for the same price, I could get at least four packs of some really delicious ramen, I really can't give this any kind of positive recommendation.

Bottom line:  Not horrible, just horribly overpriced.  :b

Nissin BIG Cup Noodles Beef Flavor

Made By:  Nissin USA

Tools Required:  Microwave, Spoon

Meal Size (380 calories per package)

Price:  50¢ (sale at Safeway in Woodinville)

Rating:  :b

First off, sorry for the picture quality this time around--I forgot my digital camera at home so I am down to the cellphone camera today.  I found these while doing my normal grocery shopping last week at an "introductory" price; I am a sucker for new stuff I've never seen before so in the cart they went, and I packed them for lunch today.  They are clearly not just a "BIG" version of the regular Cup Noodles, because they are advertised as "Spoonable Noodles and Soup."

There are no included packets, all the seasonings and noodles are loose in the package.  We are supposed to fill with water to the line and microwave for three minutes.  There are hot-water preparation instructions as well, but since they are labelled "Boiling Water Directions" and "Recommended Directions" I decide to go with the microwave.  After three minutes are up, I sit down to eat, only to find that the noodles are still sticky and undercooked, so I put them back in for another minute and a half or so.

The second attempt with fully cooked soup is marginally better, but still leaving quite a bit to be desired.  It is like this product isn't quite sure what it wants to be--the broth isn't the hearty western-style broth from the Nissin Bowl Noodles product, and it isn't the asian-style ramen broth either.  It actually tastes a lot like plain old beef bouillon.  The soup is also kind of plain compared to either the Bowl Noodles or Cup Noodles--the only color in it is some tiny flecks of red (sweet pepper?) and green herbs.

The biggest problem, though, is that this thing is just plain annoying to try to eat.  See, here's the thing, Nissin:  When people eat soup from a cup, they usually like to drink it--that's what the cup is for.  For instance, normally when I eat Cup Noodles, I eat the noodles with my chopsticks and sip the broth straight from the cup.  With these "Spoonable Noodles," that just doesn't work, and my spoon would have worked a lot better in a bowl instead of a cup.  I really don't get how this thing made it out of product testing.

I am starting to wonder why Nissin seems to want to distance themselves from normal Asian-style ramen with all their new offerings--if it really was a Cup Noodle but larger, that would have been way better than this weird-tasting, difficult-to-eat train wreck of a lunch.  Blech. :b